Question: One of the fundamental teachings of the Dharma is to set right relationships. Exactly how can we improve or set right our relationships?
Answer: It is essential for you to first understand that ?Life is relationships?. Now coming to your question how to improve relationships? The problem of relationships cannot be solved through psychology. All effort to understand the other person completely can never help. It is like peeling an onion. As you go on peeling an onion nothing remains.
Say, you are eating khova (a south Indian sweet dish), you don?t try to understand, but just experience the eating of khova. In the same way, you need to experience the other person just as he or she is. A husband trying to analyze or understand his wife will take him nowhere. ?Analysis leads to paralysis?. Everybody is constantly trying to understand, analyse, judge others while struggling to change the other person.
Unfortunately, people fail to realize that this is impossible as all of you are like computers who have been programmed and hence have no free will of your own. Your past lives, birth traumas, childhood, education, culture and all your conditionings are in possession of you and your lives. Your life flows according to this programme. So, when you are trying to understand and change the other person; it is only one programme trying to alter another programme. This game goes on from birth to death. Supposing you are going to a movie everyday, hoping that there will be a new ending, a new climax. Will it really change? All of you are trying to change each other in the same way! What you need to do is experience the other person fully.
When the husband returns home to find his wife screaming; he must experience her like watching a movie or drinking a glass of juice. What happened? Why it happened? Why is her nature that way cannot be really known. Remember, it is like peeling an onion. If you experience ? life becomes Joy! It does not matter what the event is. You have to only experience the programme. Stop judging and being critical.
When you experience the other person, you would know exactly how to respond. Abraham Lincoln was shot. Who is to be blamed? The person who shot, the person who made the gun or the person who invented it or somebody else. No person can really be blamed, for, a situation is dependent on so many factors. It is not possible to pinpoint a single reason. If you look at The Bible, it also tells us ?Judge not least ye be judged?. Unless something happens to the programme itself, say through Grace, nothing can change. If the wife screams, experience it? is it possible? Thousands have done it. It is simple and practical. If you experience people, your heart flowers and synchronises with Earth?s heartbeat. My Grace flows and your problems would be solved. If you don?t set right your relationships, I really cannot help you to the extent I want to help you. So start experiencing people and events.